By Matthew Shaw
As a recently engaged wedding planner, my thoughts have evidently turned to the first step of planning: the engagement party. Take it from me, getting engaged is one of the most exciting and special moments of your life but it can also be quite overwhelming! You have so many people to tell, so many people asking about all the details, and all the forthcoming wedding planning ahead of you. I am trying to follow the same advice I give our clients – pause and enjoy it! Relish in the moment and simply enjoy being engaged.
There’s often a tendency to immediately want to jump into wedding planning. There are, of course, time constraints for some couples but where possible it’s good practice to live in the moment and hold off the wedding planning a little. That being said, it can be great fun to start thinking about an engagement party to gather your friends and family together. There’s no set way to do this; from sitting in a pub and telling everyone when you’ll be there, to a more formal evening it’s completely down to you.
This can be a really nice activity to do together in your newly engaged life (and a bit of a warm up to wedding planning!) and you should definitely enlist the help of your wedding party, if you have already chosen them.
For a Laid-Back, Casual Engagement Party
Personal touches go a long way – Choose one or two ideas you can do that will make the occasion feel personal. This could be a book for guests to write their wishes for the couple in or a prediction vase.
Consider hosting at home -If you and your partner live together it can be a lovely idea to host this at home. It will give you more flexibility with what you can do, and also with the budget. Engagement parties should be intimate, informal, and fun so do embrace a more casual affair. Think of it as a get together to share your news with friends and family.
Keep it casual, not boring – A casual engagement party doesn’t mean it needs to be simple. Engagement parties are a great way to do something a little different and have some fun. You could recreate your first date, hire out a rooftop bar, or do an activity you’ve both always wanted to do. There’s no set format for an engagement party so this is your chance to have some fun.
Keep it simple – Don’t be afraid of simplicity – especially if you’re working to a budget. Ultimately, people are there to celebrate you both, hear the engagement story, and see the ring. An afternoon in a pub garden or a picnic in the park are both lovely, more casual approaches.
Share the costs – If you are looking to keep costs down, ask everyone to bring a bottle or a dish. You could put a spin on this and ask guests to bring the ingredients of your favourite drinks and “stock the bar” for the party.
Planning something more formal?
Set your budget early –If you decide to go all out and do a more formal engagement party, you should determine your budget early in. It’s different for everyone, and will depend on who is hosting, but you will likely have a budget set aside for all things wedding. Be clear on what you have to spend on your engagement party and don’t eat into your wedding budget!
Think about your timeline – Consider how much planning you want to do. A larger, more formal, engagement party is a wonderful occasion but you will also then be moving onto the overall wedding planning so do take some time to think through the timings of everything and make sure you don’t overload yourself too early on.
Can your venue do it all? To keep the planning in check I would always suggest looking at a venue that can do it all. Private dining rooms and restaurants are a great option for this as you will have one point of contact who will help you get everything arranged for the wedding. Save the caterer and décor hunting for the wedding!
Be thoughtful with seating arrangements – Pay attention to your seating plan if you are doing a more formal seated dinner. Engagement parties can be the ideal moment to introduce families and friends in advance of the wedding but you should remember that you don’t want the same seating plan again at the wedding.
Keep it personal – Even if you are looking to host a larger and more formal affair, you should remember to keep it personal and make sure your guests have the opportunity to speak with you and your partner. After all, everyone is going to want to hear about the proposal and see the ring!
Essential Engagement Party Etiquette Tips
No need to rush – Don’t hold your party too soon after getting engaged! Make sure you enjoy this new chapter in your life before diving into the planning. I suggest throwing your party within the first couple of months of the engagement whilst the excitement is still fresh but wedding planning hasn’t fully kicked in yet.
Timings – Think about invitation timing in the context of your wider wedding journey. You should send your invites roughly a month in advance and ensure there is a gap between that and sending your wedding save the dates so you aren’t overloading your guests.
Be thoughtful about your guest list – Take some time to think through this carefully, especially if your parents, families, or groups of friends don’t know each other as well. I would always suggest keeping an engagement party reasonably intimate and only inviting people who will be invited to the wedding. An engagement party is a great occasion for people to meet and break the ice before the wedding. If parents are hosting the party on your behalf this is especially important to discuss.
Have fun with your outfit and dress code – Brides often wear white to their engagement but this is not a rule. Same-sex couples may also want to have some fun with this. If you are planning a more formal or traditional wedding dress code you could be a bit more playful with your engagement party outfits.
Don’t make this your wedding – You have all the joys of your wedding to follow so try and keep your engagement party different and don’t use up all your ideas for your wedding before it even happens. If you know what theme or direction you are going in for your wedding, try and do something completely different.
Matthew Shaw is founder and creative director at Sauveur.
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