Many same-sex couples will face some sort of iteration of this conversation in the lead up to their big day. “A gay wedding” is a divisive term I find both loathsome and practical in equal measure. On the one hand it is yet another contentious label promoting difference where humanity’s equality should be in place. On the other it is a helpful statement which conveys that there are unique considerations which may err beyond the standard for two groom weddings.
Without the word count for a full political debate on the matter and my expertise sitting in the fashion world we are going to crack on and review some of those unique considerations for two groom weddings with a specific “yeah but what are we going to wear?” angle.
Choosing what to wear to your wedding, irrespective of gender or sexual orientation, is an innately high-pressure undertaking owing to the hugely personal nature of the decision. For heterosexual couples so much of this narrative is skewed towards the bride and the dress. A black suit and a white dress are the salt and pepper of the sartorial world. They naturally complement one another and are visually striking. So what on earth does one do when half of this classic combination doesn’t exist?
Without detracting from the ordeal it can be for brides to find “the one” when it comes to dresses, one fact stands in that regardless of neckline, silhouette or detailing a white dress will always work well besides a suit. Two suits in contrast have a huge margin for resulting in appearing like you’re setting off to completely different parties let alone conveying that you are about to share a life together. Furthermore, undercook the style statement and you run the risk of being indistinguishable from your guests, which I am sure you will agree somewhat defeats the objective. As such, I cannot recommend enough for gay couples to discuss and share their wedding outfits ahead of time. If this feels like you are ruining the surprise I encourage you to see the beauty in having these moments together as part of your planning. There is a liberated beauty in same-sex unions whereby as a two groom couple you can handpick the traditions which work for you, making the wedding your own, which is a desire entirely universal for betrothed couples.
I eagerly champion the importance of finding a common styling link to fuse the two groom looks together. By no means does this require dressing like a set of cartoon twins but having an element which connects the two looks can provide visual cohesion which elevates your presence as a couple both physically and in the photos you have inevitably spent a small fortune on.
My hard rule for fashion in general, beyond weddings, is “it has to work for you”. Start with what you love. Are you a traditionalist? Are you daring in your fashion choices? Are there materials you prefer? Or a brand you are set on wearing? Questions like this can help you define where you are headed. If you love the idea of a black jacket, white jacket combination then heck go for it, job done! However for many same-sex couples a black-white fusion is not a visual they wish to depict.
When Gustavo and I got married as two groom fashion lovers we had dream brands in mind which kick started the journey. Gustavo had visions of walking the aisle in Saint Laurent and ever since I had seen the silk sash details on Kim Jones’ Dior SS20 runway I knew I had to get married in a jacket from that collection. The incorporated sash lapels were a strong fashion statement. How could we combine the directional nature of my jacket with the pure class of Gus’?
The link we found was incorporating a sash element to Gus’ look via a custom extended cummerbund made with the founders of a slow-fashion label Numero8Spain. This allowed an element of flowing fabric to each look which we personally loved.
He wore blue and I wore black. He wore a shirt and I wore a turtleneck. Neither of us wore ties and we anchored our looks with patent leather footwear. Christian Louboutin lace-ups for him, and Tom Ford loafers for me. The varying style allowed us to showcase our two groom personalities whilst the mutual material provided consistency. We rounded off the looks with identical silver buttonhole holders with single orchids, even small details can provide big visual impact.
Dependent on the overarching theme of your two groom wedding avoid fabrics which too strongly oppose one another. If one of you intends on wearing velvet tailor the second look to an equally evening fabric that also has an element of shine to it. If you are having a beach/hot climate wedding linen might be your friend here so then play with varying colours.
As a general logic aim for three out of five of these key components of the total look to crossover with flexibility on the remaining two to add personal flair and you will always achieve the juxtaposing balance of cohesion and individuality:
I am a true believer that the joy of a wedding is set by the energy you as a couple emanate. I also believe wholeheartedly in the somewhat cliched phrase that when you look good, you feel good. I know I am not alone as a gay man who feels an inordinate pressure to prove his worth via how he looks and I do not wish to associate reviewing your wedding looks with stress or apprehension. More that in taking the time to review you can easily unlock feeling the very best version of yourself that you can be. With same-sex marriage having only taken effect in British law in 2014 we are not even a decade in to the reality of marriage being a viable option for homosexual couples. A hugely emotional part of getting married for me was the sheer realisation that what we were doing was even possible. As a gay man born at the early 90s I had never considered the possibility of marrying a man as an achievable reality. It is a right long fought for and the magic of feeling your absolute best when declaring your love to the world is something everyone deserves. So go out there and have the best-damn wedding! I hear it is almost like having a best-damn gay wedding.
Related Article: Get Groomed For Your Wedding Day