What To Do When Your Husband-To-Be Is A Groomzilla

Discover practical tips and strategies for navigating wedding planning when your husband-to-be is a groomzilla.

Less than two months after meeting my now-husband, he was describing a vision of a blissful destination wedding taking place in a rustic Mediterranean cove, complete with sunset aspect. There was a sailboat in the bay with twinkly lights strung up the mast, and the bride (me, phew) was arriving by tender as he stood barefoot on the beach singing Our Song (Colour by Pete Josef, just to further set the scene). This was not a man who would shy away from big conversations around stationery design and floral moodboards.

We have since tied the knot at Chelsea Old Town Hall, in a small, lockdown-style legal ceremony, but still insist the big destination wedding reception is very much on the cards. A baby, house renovations and move to the countryside having gotten in the way so far (almost three years on and counting).

But assuming we do get our wedding plans galvanised, are my betrothed’s groomzilla tendencies a blessing, or a curse? As a natural control freak, I was initially reluctant to let go of the reins on what is supposed to be one of the most important days of our lives. But recently I’ve come to realise that letting go and allowing someone else to take creative control might be the elite gender role reversal that I, and other brides, need.

I should caveat this by saying that as an architect my partner Felix is a creative too. Woe betide the woman who sends a finance bro out to make solo executive decisions, unless you are very relaxed about beer pairings and have a laissez-faire attitude to tablescaping.

Additionally, my while my other half is brimming with big ideas when it comes to throwing a mega celebration, he doesn’t conform to the, shall we say, ‘uglier’ side of the bridezilla or groomzilla stereotype. Luckily he is still easy-going and relaxed about the whole day.

For my part, not being the one to organise the Big Day means no expectations, so if something didn’t go to plan I’d be blissfully none the wiser. There is also the, admittedly risky, element of surprise. Which if all goes well, adds a new dimension to a day which can often have every minute planned out.

But the major benefit? Weddings can often be surrounded by stress about something inconsequential going wrong. In reality, the wrong flowers say, really aren’t the end of the world. When you haven’t personally poured hours into Pinterest on this, it softens the blow and puts everything into perspective.

Letting Felix plan the wedding day also means someone bringing a fresh pair of eyes to the table. It’s a massive generalisation, but as women (or certainly in my friendship circle) we are more likely to have discussions with girlfriends about wedding planning, to take more interest in the little details of weddings we attend and to some extent are expected by society to have it all mapped out in our minds before even meeting The One. My groomzilla on the other hand, has his own original vision and is, to a greater extent, freed from expectation and tradition.

Finally, while personally we’ve not had any spirited discussions over the finer details of our wedding party, it makes sense that delegating responsibility to one half of the couple means no careful negotiation (read: arguments) over every detail.

And I’m not alone in having a groomzilla on my hands. At a (majorly fabulous) wedding I attended this year, the bride joked on the wedding party WhatsApp group that tomorrow was “Tim’s Big Day” (*name changed to protect identities).

I asked current groom-to-be Charlie Jones, how he and his fiancé Matt have navigated planning their upcoming nuptials? “Neither of us has been labelled a groomzilla…yet! Perhaps due to the fact we both have a very clear shared vision for the big day, which is a massive party of festival fun and hedonism.”

Though Charlie jokes that partner Matt is “a lot more liberal with his invites, so I may well turn into a groomzilla as we get closer to the date if he hasn’t stopped inviting every tom, dick and harry to join us. Watch this space!”

So what happens when a former Brides magazine staffer marries a groomzilla? In our case I’m going to let Felix handle the bigger picture vision, and I’m going to chip in with some of the smaller details and keep an eye on logistics. It turns out that the roles we play in wedding planning, are quite similar to how our dynamic and strengths work best together in everyday life too, which is a good omen.

What to do when your own fiancé is a groomzilla? Don’t panic, it will all work out in the end. Just ask me if I still feel that way in six months time.

Was your husband a groomzilla, and was it a godsend or a horror story? Let us know in the comments.