After a decade-long marriage, Jonathan Kirkby and his husband Ian Greenway embarked on an extraordinary journey that brought the sweet journey to parenthood that brought not one but two beautiful and healthy children their lives. Amid the chaos and confusion of the pandemic, they took a bold step into surrogacy, welcoming their firstborn, Wilder, into the world in late 2020 followed by the recent addition of their second baby boy, Aster, in 2022
In an intimate conversation, Jonathan and Ian graciously share the details of their unique surrogacy experience, offering a glimpse into the challenges, triumphs, and boundless love that define their journey into parenthood. Jonathan sits down with The Mini Edition to share their beautiful story of parenthood.
DECISION-MAKING PROCESS: THE INSPIRATION
The yearning for children ran deep within me, fueled by a desire to make a positive impact on young lives. Ian and I, connecting early in our relationship over our shared dream of parenthood, found ourselves contemplating adoption initially. However, as time went on, the idea of surrogacy began to resonate more profoundly with us, feeling like the natural route to fulfill our dreams.
Our journey started in 2018 with an exploration of agencies worldwide, from the UK to Spain, America, Canada, and even India. Each country presented unique challenges, and we dove into the intricate details of legalities and the protection of rights.
It became clear that the US provided one of the most secure frameworks for surrogacy, offering comprehensive protection for both the surrogate and biological parents – a key factor in our decision-making process and so our crazy and exciting journey to parenthood started…
EMOTIONS SURROUNDING SURROGACY
Opting for surrogacy felt like the most authentic and natural choice for us. The emotional rollercoaster that ensued required careful decompartmentalization – from the selection of sperm and eggs to the transfer process, we navigated each step with positivity and faith. While the worries inherent in any parenting journey were present we tackled them head-on with the unwavering belief that this was the right path for us.
Our agency played a crucial role in connecting us with the perfect clinic.
As we sifted through profiles, we wanted to find the perfect and an ideally similar genetic match, meanwhile there are loads of factors in the surrogates decision making – taking into consideration factors like religion, sexual orientation, and even some were not sure of the prospect of the baby going out of America!
But, with the help of the agency’s careful consideration and attention to detail culminated in “the call” – the moment we’d been eagerly awaiting. Then it was onto the big moment once we found the match of fertilising half the eggs with mine and half with Ian’s ensured a harmonious blend.
We initially had two surrogates, but the first one encountered anxiety issues and decided to withdraw. While this development could have been disheartening, we viewed it as a twist of fate. On Boxing Day, we received the sad news, which as you can imagine feels like a blow – but, rather than dwelling on the setback, we recognised it as an opportunity to find a surrogate who was totally right for us and wanted to embark on the journey….
And so we found our Stephanie – a total trooper who turned out to be the perfect fit for our family. But this all happened in January 2020, right before the world plunged into a pandemic-induced lockdown….
The journey to transfer on the specified day was fraught with challenges, including cancelled flights because the USA went into a lockdown that day and as you can imagine was full of logistical nightmares. Yet, Stephanie’s amazing determination prevailed, and she became the last transfer out of that hospital for some time – a testament to her commitment which we are to this day so grateful for.
PREGNANCY DURING A PANDEMIC
Modern technology became our lifeline during the pandemic. Zooms, WhatsApp, and group chats kept us connected and updated weekly on our child’s progress. While we missed physically being there for scans, the virtual connections made us feel emotionally close. Although it wasn’t ideal we remained positive and this was our journey…
THE ARRIVAL OF WILDER
The unique circumstances of Wilder’s birth added an extra layer of charm to our story. In November 2020, amidst the lockdown, Wilder, due in late December, decided to make an early appearance (by 5 weeks). I was in the ancient ruins in Tulum when we received the call that Stephanie’s waters had broken. The subsequent Zoom birth, I was finally there within 10 hours of his birth, and an emotional subsequent NICU stay due to his early arrival all became part of our extraordinary journey. I now wouldn’t change a thing; it’s all part of our unique story, and I can’t resent it or regret it.
Following Wilder’s birth, we spent a month near the hospital, focusing on getting his weight up. From there, we flew to Miami, where we have a place, and what was initially a short stay turned into months. The magical moments of just the three of us in the sunshine, going through the perfect newborn bubble, became the foundation of our family bond.
OUR SECOND SURROGACY JOURNEY
Aster’s arrival marked a continuation of our incredible journey. The second time around, with the same surrogate and egg, we had the opportunity for a more hands-on approach. Attending scans, creating connections, and actively participating in the journey enriched the experience.
Despite the challenges posed by the ongoing pandemic, we were fortunate to be part of the delivery process this time and it was incredible to watch our second baby boy, Aster, make his entrance into the world.
NEW FAMILY DYNAMICS
Managing two under two has undoubtedly been a huge challenge. The rewards, however, are profound. The first six months with one child were a dream, but adding Aster into the mix intensified the juggle. We’ve navigated through various phases, digging deep during challenging times. We are very aware that the ‘2 under 2’ is a challenge but looking ahead, when they are 5 and 6, we know they will be the very best of friends.
THE REWARDING ASPECTS OF PARENTHOOD
The unconditional love and joy of watching them grow is pure magic. At this moment, they are at their most heavenly stage. The progression, from the first kicks to now seeing their unique personalities emerging, has been amazing to witness.
